– By Gabriella Festus
The decision to leave home is not an easy one to make. One moment you’re packing your bags and booking flights, unable to contain your excitement, and the next moment you’re hugging your family and friends goodbye at the airport, and suddenly you’re overwhelmed with fear as you embark on this new journey on your own. The decision to move abroad is never an easy one, but it is incredibly fulfilling, and if you’re lucky enough to have this experience, cherish it! Despite the challenges that come with taking on the role of an au pair in a foreign country, it is so worth it. It is a life-altering experience filled with many unexpected life lessons. Six months into my au pairing journey in the Netherlands, I am writing this to share a few special lessons that life has been teaching me on this adventure.
Before arriving in the Netherlands, I thought that my biggest challenges would be learning the language and cycling in the pouring rain. And while these remain obvious challenges that I [still] face, I think I failed to consider the challenge of recognising and adapting to the minor details of Dutch culture that make it what it is. It did not take long to realise that a distinct quality of Dutch people’s communication style is their directness, which contrasts with the rather indirect communication style that I grew up with in South Africa. Now, given that communication is a key factor in working as an au pair, it is no secret that in situations, such as giving and receiving feedback with your host family, it can often feel awkward and uncomfortable, especially in the beginning. That is why it is important to understand the cultural differences.
By choosing to embark on a cultural exchange in the Netherlands, you are putting yourself in a position to experience the culture to the fullest, and it is essential to do this with an open mind. I have been in the Netherlands for six months and I am still realising how different our cultures are, but I am reminding myself that it is so beautiful to experience a world outside of my own and to grow in it!
And yes, if there is one thing you will do on this journey, it is: grow! When it comes to stepping out of your comfort zone, I think moving abroad by yourself is the bravest step that you can take. If you have made that decision, or if you are even considering doing it — be proud of yourself! As I’ve said, it is not an easy choice to make. I cannot sugarcoat the truth, it is a scary thing to do; leaving your family and your life behind to become a part of a new family with a different lifestyle and different routines is daunting. Navigating a new city — a whole new country — is overwhelming. But it is not impossible, and I believe you will surprise yourself at how well you will adapt to a new life. I know I surprised myself. One moment you’re unpacking your bags in your new bedroom, crying because you’re missing home, and then a few weeks later you’re cycling through the streets of your new city,
thinking “wow, I cannot believe that this is my life!” Twenty-five weeks since my journey began, and I still have many ‘somebody pinch me’ moments. However, I still have many moments where I feel scared, especially when it comes to trying new things. But if I have learned anything in the last few months, it is to do it, even if you are scared. When I boarded my flight to Amsterdam, I was scared. On my first official day working alone with my host kids, I was scared. When I had to get on the ‘bakfiets’ for the very first time, I was beyond scared! Yet I still did it, and I am so glad that I chose to take on these challenges rather than run away from them and rob myself of the chance to grow.
While personal growth is a significant part of the au pairing journey, I quickly learned that the experience would not be as transformative without the friendships that I have built since I arrived in the Netherlands. Before leaving home, I spent a lot of time thinking about the people that I would meet here and the potential friends that I would make. I wondered what they would be like and how long it would take for us to find our way to each other, but a part of me was also deeply afraid that there was a chance I would not find these friendships. Long story short, it is impossible to not make friends during your au pair year in the Netherlands. I am so grateful that the agency prioritises connecting all of the au pairs via social media, because this is how I met my closest friends. I don’t think that I would have survived the last six months without their love and support and I don’t think
that I will survive the next six months without their encouragement. It is essential to surround yourself with like-minded girls who share a similar experience and have similar goals as yourself. As au pairs in the Netherlands, we already all share common ground; we all had a great desire to travel and to explore Dutch culture, and for all of us, we are experiencing it for the first time. As we navigate the ups and downs of a new life, we are presented with countless opportunities to bond with one another. I cannot stress enough the importance of friendship while living abroad. Yes, perhaps you took on this journey to become more independent, and while that is a necessary goal to set for yourself, do not forget that we still need a shoulder to cry on and somebody to laugh with. The memories you make this year are shaped by the people you surround yourself with. Your friends
play a vital role in your experience, so do not neglect the chance to go out and meet cool people and build friendships that will last a lifetime.
These are just a few lessons that I have learned on my au pairing journey so far, but the beauty of this experience is that it is continuously teaching you more about yourself and also about the culture that you are living in. And as I have said before, it is so beautiful to have the opportunity to live in a world outside of your own and to grow in it. This journey is far from being an easy one, and it may be scary at times, but remember to do it and persevere even if you are scared. Your future self will thank you for taking the risks and making the memories. Enjoy the ride, and make sure to have no regrets!
